When I started blog writing in the year of 2011, I was so very damn cocky, immediately seeing myself as an influencer in the world of good health. One year of bulimic-free living, I thought that by penetrating the world with my opinion that I would create an amazing publicly loved name, earn followers who would buy my book, and maybe help someone in the process! But I approached it completely wrong. I was combative and rude, completely disrespectful of the healing process of my fellow humans, and I sought to convince people that it was my way or the highway. In retrospect, I see it’s because I was not happy and joyful with myself, as I was still living a chaotic life with regard to food.
That’s different now, of course.
And I see that by simply putting out good content, about writing about the shit that happens in my head, in my life, I resonate with amazing humans who tell me that my story is inspiring. I’m not trying to sell anything, I’m not trying to convince you of something. I’m just writing about what I think. I don’t give a damn if it’s something you like or don’t like, but if it helps you, GOOD. That shall render me as over the moon with happiness.
And don’t get me wrong: I am very fortunate for the rocky blog journey as I have an entire stack of old crazy blog posts and comments which shall appear in my book! Remember when I freaked out on the Starbucks girl? Remember when I stabbed the ice cream with a knife? My god, nowadays, the Starbucks girls are treated like royalty, and I’m always emailing Starbucks corporate to thank them for a divine job done! And to stab ice cream? Ha ha ha. I was a yahoo bozo. But it was a part of MY healing process. The blog was a part of my healing process. YOU were a part of my healing process.
With regard to influencing, I want to share some goodies. The other day, at The Robot Is You, my Instagram friend Anne wrote,
My dear friend! It’s lovely what you have written about romance also being “writting to the heroic man that you met online” because it’s so damn me! I met my Tony Stark online and we shared our love for months before sex was in our lives. And yes, we lived in intense romance before bed was involved and it’s going to complete 8 years of love and respect for each other. Your blog is absolutely fantastic…and so do you! My I-Nicole.
Oh my!! She even called me a ROBOT. “I-Nicole.” That should be the name of my second book. Or should it be “healthy AF?” :)
For the Throwback Thursday part of this post, because it is THROWBACK THURSDAY!!, I want to share an email which I received on 14 February 2012 from a girl who had stumbled upon my blog, resonated with it, and has become one of the dearest treasures in my heart. Title of the email: “You are my inspiration.”
Dear Nicole and Gwendolyn,Thanks for your blog. Thanks for bringing a glimmer of hope into the lives of many ed sufferers. And thanks for sharing your (impeccable) taste in fashion and your awesome healthy life with us all. I’m Gabrielle. I’m 30 years old. I love fashion and especially Christian Louboutin shoes. I have a professional career, a picture perfect family and my very own ‘Sir Edmund’ :) BUT…I will not bore you with yet another story of how my descent into an ed began and how it developed…these stories are all very similar and you have had your own fair share of bad memories to deal with without me burdening you with yet another one. I am presently in the throes of bulimia after a year long flirt with anorexia which left me supermodel slim (bmi 18) but never really underweight. No one ever took me seriously. People just looked at me and envied my figure. My mum was proud of me. No one knows I suffer from an ed not even my husband. I am now at bmi 21.6. Needless to say I feel really bad about myself. I feel FAT and depressed. On a scale from 0-10 my self-love is 0. And it’s doing nothing to help me recover. I try. I try hard. Countless times I’ve tried to stop but it somehow always gets the better of me. To others I look normal. To me I am sick to the core. I look sick. It’s not cos of the flu as others think. Only I know the reason in my silent little world. I really wish the day will come when I finally say ‘It is over! It’s a new life!’ without succumbing back to the blackness of ed after two weeks at most. I will look up to you as the person who managed to do this. I am still seeking my modus vivendi, my way to deal with what I view as an incurable evil. I still have not found my way of dealing with it.Thanks for reading. Sorry for burdening you. But sometimes not telling anyone is really hard… I needed to tell someone…Gabrielle