In my recent writing of my book, specifically 3 May 2017, I’ve come to think, for the first time in 18 years, about The Other Humans in my life, and of how they perceived my eating disorder, of how they were affected by my eating disorder, and of what they would recommend for those humans experiencing similar scenarios, that is, living with, being friends with, working with, loving on the person who is disordered. Before this moment in time, with regard to The Other Humans in my life, I put them into two buckets. During my disordered years, I considered them as LUCKY DUCKS. They did not have my problem, so they were lucky as f*ck, and I envied their freedom. It was me me me. But in the same sense, I judged them for not being more aggressive about their dieting and exercise. And, in the past year, the one year that I’ve considered myself as officially sober from everything, from the anorexia, from the bulimia, from the additional five years of chaotic eating (a total of 17 years), I considered The Other Humans in my life as making a rational choice to be affected by my disorder. They chose to be my friend. They knew what it involved. Being affected was their responsibility. I considered their choice to be a rational thing and therefore they must own it. I was not responsible for their states of being, for their pain, for their struggle, for their horror. It was completely their choice. And yes, I still stand by that. But now, on this day, I think of it, in more compassionate terms. Because I really WANT for this book to help someone.
I am so very relevant to SUCH A HUGE POPULATION OF THOSE WHO SUFFER from eating disorders – I was a teenager, I was a girl in her 20s, I was a girl into her mid 30s whilst suffering. So I hit and resonate on SO MANY LEVELS. But I also hit and resonate with “The Other Humans.” I’ve had best friends during all of it. First there was Val. Then Julie. Then and now Jillian. Then Aimee. Then and now Becky. Now Kristin. And always my sister Stephanie. I never really cared, until now, about THEIR input on my situation; but now I care, because by caring, I think that I can help The Other Humans.
Thus, it is my new project to contact each of them, except for Val as that ended on very bad terms and I wish not to disrupt her peace (but I have a few memories that I shall share in my book such as our 1999 argument at Don Pablo’s on why I did not give a tip for our dinner because the waitress brought my salad unacceptably with cheese, as I asked for NO CHEESE!!). And I do very much hope that my friends will respond and offer things that I can share in my book. They might help a best friend of someone who is currently suffering from any addiction (food, alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling, etcetera); and THEY might therefore be able to better help and or understand THE FRIEND herself or himself who is suffering from the addiction.
I am so very chuffed at this opportunity to use my loud voice and my former awful disposition of unhealthfulness to help the Earth and to infuse joy into the lives of others. Mind you, my former friends might tell me to f*ck off, and I might deserve it, but if I am a good judge of character, and to choose them as friends at certain points in my life tells me that they are wonderful, and I think they will be honoured to offer their thoughts and suggestions and what-have-you’s.
Additionally, I am upon the sixth anniversary of writing this blog!! OMG!! Thus, many of you blog besties and otherwise will have input on this new interest of mine. If you want to be quoted in my book, I shall LOVE to know what you think, of how I’ve affected you, of how you’ve existed with regard to disordered eating, what you’ve learnt from me, and of your words of wisdom for those who suffer and for those in the network of those who suffer. Your input will make my heart sing.
You can DM me on Instagram.