TODAY was marvelous. It is the day in which I stopped loving THE MAN whom I’ve loved for 11.8 years. My heart is clean, free, and peaceful. I am so very happy. It is the beginning of an era.
It was not something that either of us did. It is simply that we are not humans who belong in relationship with each other. I shall not disclose the intimate details of what specifically transpired as he and I maintain different opinions and interpretations; but, after so very long, I am free. Free of the struggle to make myself good enough for him. Free of the struggle to make myself perfect for him. Free of the struggle to maintain my strict rituals whilst pleasing him. Free of the struggle.
Relationships should be a struggle NOT. Yet it was agony for me. And ecstasy. For 11.8 years. Like my bulimia. Same length of time. Same on again, off again bullshit. Same chaos. Same wonderfulness. And it is done.
He is free to love. I am free to love.
I respect his humanity and wish him so well. And now it is onto the next gorgeous chapter.
It is THE BEGINNING OF AN ERA!!!!!!!!! :)
It is also the eve of my first year anniversary with Peloton.
The left, today. The right, last year.
more pals than I can count!
my yoga practice
Oh yes, and it is also PIE DAY. :) :) :) Here is our veggie pie. Ha ha ha! 3.14motherfuckingPIE!!
Do not forget, SHE eats with chopsticks!!
On my last post, I mentioned an intense craving for eel and for octopus but am refraining because it just doesn’t seem clean to me, ethical even. So I found my intense nutritional delight in the gorgeous “mock tuna salad” by the East End Food Coop. I had 2 of these portions for Sunday brunch. Athletic girls need LOTS of FOOD. ;)
Look closely. Do you see the “N and G” inscribed with mustard??? I learnt this skill at my first AMAZING job, at Wendy’s Old-Fashioned Hamburgers, 1998. The best drive-thru girl EVER (imo), I cherish that job experience forever.
And then we have today, 7 years ago…
She is my heart, so much. This is also new. Gwendolyn plays with toys!!
I am in love.
And open to inviting new love into our life. For the first time in 11.8 years.
Goodnight and namaste.