Obviously food is a huge part of my life given that my habits were highly disordered for 17 years. Although my sobriety date from bulimia is 4 July 2010, I consider my sobriety date from collective disordered eating to be 21 August 2016, about two months ago. A total of 17 years, six months, and 12 days in the trenches. That’s a pretty long war. So first let me please announce that it’s heavenly to exist as I do now. My brain is electrified at all moments of the day, and my sleeping dreams are so vivid and amazing, too! This is because I am not only nourishing my body with delicious, glorious food, but I am also nourishing my friendships. It’s divine.
So what the hell have I been eating?
Currently I am addicted to seaweed salads and have found excuses to sneak away to lunch with my friend Becky and dog Gwendolyn. Here we are, on Gwendolbirdie’s birthday, eating seaweed in Sewickley.
I also love the vegan Tofu Scramble at Eden.
The menu reads this: “Tofu Scramble: Sautéed in a tomato-based bbq sauce. With black beans, spinach, green peppers, and portobello mushrooms. Topped with cashew sour cream. With corn tortillas and avocado. Served with a side salad or fresh pineapple.”
I order it like this: “Hi. I will please have the Tofu Scramble. No black beans. No green peppers. No cashew sour cream. No corn tortillas. No avocado. Add extra spinach and mushroom. Add one order of mushroom almond sausage, please. And, may I please have another cup of hot coffee?” My human brunch mate, by this point, is usually laughing out loud. Because I sound completely ridiculous. But I shall nourish my body in the manner that pleases me. Here’s the tofu scramble! Gwendolyn ate the watermelon and her side of steamed vegetables.
For breakfast, I eat one nut bar, sometimes plus a banana. For lunch, I usually eat the same thing as I do for breakfast, Monday through Friday, add a few of my garlic-stuffed or jalapeño-stuffed martini olives if I get hungry. After I finish everything, I always have a martini or wine each night at about 10pm. Afterward, for dinner, I usually eat a delicious butter lettuce salad with cashews, grapes, and pears with a creamy vegan dressing. It is so good. I enjoy dining late like do the Europeans. When I physically meet friends for dinner, which happens about once weekly, I usually do NOT eat because the time is too early, and, more importantly, I think that ladies should be elegant. Nourishing in fancy restaurants is not elegant. Sipping martinis in fancy restaurants is elegant. Isn’t it quite interesting that lunch and brunch are completely fine, in my book, for public nourishing? Dinners should be lovely and fancy, not polluted with a hamburger hoedown. Fuelling my body with regard to dinner is reserved for a state of relaxation after returning home to my baby girl. This permits me to enjoy time with friends, aka nourishing of my friendships, and also having a gorgeous dinner, at midnight, with my baby girl. All boxes checked in terms of what pleases me! Yeah!
But based on what I’ve described about my food consumption, you likely assume that I am vegan. This is not true. I AM NOT VEGAN. I eat fish, mostly raw, usually for lunch/brunch/whatever you want to call it, on the weekends!
In 1999, I bought the shirt that I am ironically wearing today, 17 years later. I am very loyal to the things that I love! It is super vintage and cute. I found the pictured chicks to be so adorable that right then and there, although I never enjoyed eating chicken in the first place, I slashed it from my diet. Who wants to eat something that is cute? I’d already slashed red meat in 1998, so this additional slashing turned me into a vegetarian, hooray! Yet I could never get into the whole “Meat is Murder” movement. I was just doing what pleased me, even back then. Here I am, this morning, wearing the beloved shirt. It’s so small. Maybe I should have smiled in this picture? :)
From 1999 until 2010, the only animal products on my plate = eggs, dairy, and fish. And when I made a conscious effort at creating a plan to end my bulimia on 4 July 2010, I removed the foods which triggered me into eating boatloads and into throwing it up. Namely dairy. It got me every time! Nowadays there are so many vegan sweet options, that simply eliminating dairy would not have worked for me if bulimic now, but it did then. So how do I control it now? I am simply in control of everything. The prospect of eating the vegan versions of my former bad foods doesn’t even cross my mind.
Three months after slashing dairy, in October 2010, eating a big plate of eggs, it suddenly made me feel sick, like I was eating something dirty. I threw away that plate of eggs and have never touched eggs since.
My eating system was always primarily for the nutrition / effect on my body, not really for the compassion toward animals. But it kind of turned into both, over the past six years. From October 2010 until February 2016, I consumed no animal or its byproduct except for fish.
And then I watched The Deer Hunter starring Robert Deniro. Filmed partially in Pittsburgh, it completely rocked my ship. Watching Deniro shoot and kill that deer, I announced, “I am now vegan.” I could not bear the scene, and I extended this to my obvious killing of fish, declaring that it would be no more. This lasted for six months until suddenly, one day in August, I wanted raw fish again. Thus I had it. I did not struggle with this decision, as I never really, despite saying it on that first day, considered myself as a vegan. I do not fancy labels. Just like Samantha Jones says in Sex and the City, “I don’t believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties,” the same holds true for my eating system. For my politics. I just believe in eating. In voting. In eating whatever the hell I want. :) … and I do mooch from Gwendolyn’s steamed vegetables at our grand lunches.
I am fiercely loyal to my seaweed salads it seems!!
And I call myself an Independent Eater.
I do not eat dairy.
I do not eat eggs.
I do not eat meat: chicken or beef.
I do not eat grains in high portions – occasionally brown rice with sushi, occasionally a vegan pizza by Tofurky or Daiya, occasionally a vegan BLT from Whole Foods when the sexy prepared foods girl is working – she makes it the best, and she is definitely my girl crush.
I do not eat sugar except for in my wine.
I do not eat complicated things.
I do not eat junk.
I eat fantastically delicious, glorious things!
And I think that my body and its performance is a direct reflection of my eating.
What have you been eating?