“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”
These sharp, stinging words, articulated by Francisco d’Anconia to Dagny Taggart in Ayn Rand’s great masterpiece of Atlas Shrugged sets the brain afire because they are so True. Real. Raw. Each time that I discover another practical application and therefore proof of Ms. Rand’s words, I am floored. And, it happened during this past weekend, when, on Facebook, I created an album entitled, “Healthy Yoga.”
The album title arrived to my creative mind, mid-martini and existing in a state of over-happiness, just having completed my Peloton and yoga rituals. The title was my brain’s most honest, most pure expression for something healthy that I’ve found, in this new season of life. But how can yoga be anything but healthy? When one hears “yoga,” they certainly do not think of “unhealthy.” They think “healthy!” Thus, would the words in my album title be perceived as contradiction? Certainly so. I laughed, because I immediately knew, based on my experience, that yoga can, indeed, be an ugly, unhealthy, jealous, vicious thing. And thusly, my album title is a grand example of the fact that contradictions do not exist.
I wrote this, on Instragram, last week:
“Tonight I cried. And I don’t cry. Five years ago, when kicked out of yoga school, sent wandering on my lonesome, gaining 60 fat ass pounds, losing my yoga practice, finding myself on the verge of #bulimia again after living healthfully for so long after 11 years in the bulimic trenches, I first looked into a little yoga book, Light On Yoga, by the great Iyengar, and I spied this pose of #Viparita. The bendy ego in me said, ‘Fuck yeah! Let’s do this divinely gorgeous pose and post it on YouTube!’ So I set it up. And I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t fucking do it. Not even close. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t do it. Killed my inflated yoga soul. So I stopped practicing for 2 years. And fell apart. Tonight, five years later, despite NOT intentionally working toward this pose whatsoever, something in my never-stopping brain urged that it would be possible. And it was such. And I cried. Tears of happiness and joy. Of accomplishment. Thanks for sharing in my yoga.”
This pose looks so simple, yet it’s so hard. And it literally broke me, when I could not do it, back then in 2011. And on the multiple times that I tried since. I was working from an unhealthy place, a cluttered mind, a destroyed heart, an empty soul. Now it is so very different. I accomplished the pose. And I smile with all of my heart.
Thank you, to everyone, for your super-touching comments on Friday’s blog post. You hugged me strongly. I’m not an emotional girl, but I enjoyed your compassion and kindness, oh so much. You moved me deeply. And I crave to know your stories.
What contradiction have you faced, and which of your premises were wrong?